Obviously the point was to convey mood. I was in a weird spot, and am still in the afterglow of that weird spot. I mean it’s a weird spot I’ve been in for nearly a month now. There’s a pile of turmoil in my life, and for any of you that know me, know that it can only be one of two things, people and work. Typically, female people and work. I try to keep the female stuff to personal conversation rather than public blogging out of simple discretion. Personal lives damaged by fast feelings and even more slippery fingers are harder to forgive. Work, well, work is scary, but hey it’s just work, and it’s just a fucked up economy.
I don’t mean to be too glib though, about work. My workplace is my best opportunity to help other people, have fun, make cash to fuel my private dreams and to try and creatively solve problems. That’s a lot to me. There are other avenues perhaps for those things singly, but it seems difficult to have them all and play outside the business stream. Work is a centerpiece for my life. It’s not the whole table setting, but it’s a significant consideration for my hourly existence. I’m not going to walk you down all the tentacles to make the point, you can imagine what your own life would be like if the merry-go-round developed a weak axle.
Some of you have families to protect, investments, and other things that you care about and they’re depending on you, day to day, but you also work in high tech, and there’s still a lot of demand for your skillset. Things are ok for now.
Which is the most frequent thing I’ve heard lately. “We did some damage…pre-emptively, but because of this, or not, things are ok.” Three times I’ve heard this and three times it’s been said in somewhat good faith. I’ve been inclined to believe that good faith, because I DO believe that the actions taken were painful, and why would you make THREE major painful cuts over the span of a month? I’ve heard the reasons, and alone they make sense. When it’s the explanation after it’s all said and done, it makes sense. But somebody knew it wasn’t all said and done the first time and the second time. Why should I, or anyone else believe that they’re done now?
But that’s ok. What am I to do? I’ve been through this before a couple times. I’ve got a lot of baggage, and a fair amount of burnout going on too. A couple months away from tech may not be good for my bottom line, but it might be the best thing for my soul.
For those of you that I work with, I’m not trying to go anywhere voluntarily, don’t panic, but I think If I lost my job tomorrow, I’d look seriously at taking out a loan and going to a vocational school to get my ASE certification. Then seeing where that took me. It could take me back home, who knows.
I’ve dreamed, in the last few years, that maybe I could open my own repair shop someday. There are interesting problems to solve, and cars are getting more complex all the time. Especially as they get more electric.
Lately all of my dreams have been of somewhere else, some other time, and just pure fun. It’s winter. It’s the time when things get quiet, sleepy, contemplative. I’m looking forward to warm spicy food. Fireplaces, smells and far away sounds. I look forward to at least one weekend of sleeping through an entire day.
I’m thinking of wild ideas, more reading, more writing. Introspection, reflection, inflection. Dredging up the past. Thinking of craft. I’ve also been thinking about fugue states.
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